just a thought

things change within the blink of an eye. think about how many times you blink during the course of one day. just a thought.

cHeRiSh EvErY mOmEnT

reflections of life

i sitting here thinking about some real stuff that has been going on in my life. it seems like the days just keep on passing by and i'm constantly trying to catch up sometimes. life really is short; shorter than we realize sometimes. so many people around me keep dying. people that i've went to school with have passed away, family members that were really close to me, schoolmates of my other friends- it's crazy, but it's a part of life. who knows when their time really is? who would want to know when their last day living was anyway?

but i just turned 22 this month and i can remember my childhood days like they were yesterday. man those were the good old days. high school was one the best times of my life, yet kids nowadays don't like going to school. what's the world coming to? my friends and i were actively involved in school activities and we even took it upon ourselves to put together a black history program which continued even after we graduated. it's about making an impact, and students fail to realize that.

now that i've come to my last year in college, i've also realized it was another phase of my life that made me a better person. i've met so many wonderful friends and people that i know will go on and do something wonderful in life and made lifelong relationships with so many others. college opened my eyes and i'm sure that as the years go by i'll just become wiser and wiser. others went off into the military, got married, had kids, and i'm sure that's in my plan within the next couple of years (if not before then).

but life has so many surprise in store for me everyday. it's really a blessing and i appreciate every day that i'm given. that's why i'm always grateful and i try to keep a smile on my face and encourage others to be happy. we can't stress over shit that we can't change because life is too short. of course, there are many people that owe me an apology, and i'm sure that there are people that expect the same from me, but i don't go to sleep worrying about how i was mistreated months or years ago by someone because that causes undo stress for me and i'm sure they don't go to sleep worrying about how they treated me. what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. life is too short- live it to the fullest each and every day.


don't let devils in your heaven

peace and love
gkg

i'm baaaaaccccckkkkkk

i'm finally back to posting everyone. i had to take a break and get some things together because there was and still is too much going on in my life. but i guess that's a good thing right? better to have too much going on than nothing going on at all.

first day back at school- was thirty minutes late for my nine o' clock class but the teacher didn't even show up so that's irrelevant. i wish that nigga woulda called me at the house or something to let me know- i coulda got another hour of sleep! it's whatever though.

don't wanna take up too much time here- just wanted everyone to know that i'm baaaaccccckkkkk!

madeupmymind

i was visiting a church with my friend and in the front they had a banner that read, "If Everybody in the Church was Like Me, How Would the Church Be?" and it made me think about some things: about the faithful old lady in the church that loves everybody, about my friends that i met when i joined the church, but most importantly it made me think about all the hypocrites in the church, the people who give you those evil looks because you haven't been to church in a while, as if them going every sunday puts them a little closer to heaven than you, when in fact, they become totally different people when they are out on the streets. so this one is for all those fake people in the church- god bless you, no pun intended!

Made Up My Mind

1st Verse:
Lord they really think they fooling you
by coming to church on Sunday
praying and laying hands on folks
stomping and jumping around faking the holy ghost
but its a thin line between walking it and talking it
living it and giving it or just pretending it’s alright
and did they really think that they could pull the wool over your eyes lord
did they really think that by faking they were saved
that they would get the same reward
this be the realest thing I ever wrote for sure
after this a lot of folks wont like me no mo’
but after this I gotta go answer to you Lord
so I’ve made up my mind I’m a go to church on Sunday
and sing a song that may hurt somebody’s feelings so that maybe
thy will, will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
and hopefully they will see
how much they really be discouraging a little old sinner like me

2nd Verse:
And Lord who they think they jiving
by singing these songs full of glory
then out in the world it’s a different story
I’m running out of people to pray for me
I’m not trying to act like I’m the perfect man
but if you speak about it, you should be about it
not just preach about it all day
cause if you do you run the risk of chasing
some of the most beautiful people away
and it is never my intention to discourage you
rather encourage you to change your life today
this be the realest thing I ever had to say,
but after this a lot of folks wont like me no mo’
but after this I gotta go answer to you Lord
so I’ve made up my mind I’m a go to church on Sunday
and sing a song that may hurt somebody’s feelings
so that maybe thy will, will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
and hopefully they will see
how much they really be discouraging a little old sinner like me

-lyfe jennings

moment of silence

i want everyone to give a moment of silence to my uncle who just passed this morning. may he rest in peace. i love you unc! now you can finally spread your wings!
Love, Live Life

chills

my legs are shaking
my fingers are now numb...
no feeling in them whatsoever

i need a sweater
a jacket
some gloves
anything to keep me warm

people walk past me...looking
asking me questions
looking at me in pity
knowing that i am freezing

i step away
taking a deep breath
wondering where my gloves are

but i can't remember
i can't recall
it won't come back to me

i have chill bumps now
all over my body
and i'm shaking

i'm ready for this day
to be over with
to be done

i'm ready to go home
where the heater burns rapidly
where it's warm and cozy

i hate this place now
i hate the coolness i feel
i hate these people around me

i'm trying to stay calm
i take a break
i take a deep breath

this lady keep bothering me
every other minute
every other second

bitch, leave me alone!
i have things to do
i'm trying to get something done
look for your damn self

i swear to myself
over and over again
wondering why...

oh why...

did i wear shorts to work
when i knew that i had
to work in freezer/cooler today

shed so many tears

they say a man ain't supposed to cry. i must be an exception to the rule then because sometimes i find myself shedding tears for things that have happened in the past, things that are currently happening and things that may happen in the future. why do people feel like men are invincible anyway? we have feelings too. honestly, i think that men's emotions are stronger than women's emotions. when we are in love, and i mean the real thing, we love really hard. if you break the wrong man's heart, he will do whatever possible to make your life a living hell because he wants you to hurt like he does. i admit from observation that sometimes men do tend to hide their feelings when they are around other men from fear of being called "soft" or "sensitive" but personally i don't live my life to please other dudes. if i feel like telling my girlfriend, my mother, my brothers, my father,other family members, or my friends that i love them, then i will do just that. if i feel the need to give my girlfriend a kiss, hey...you feel where i'm going with this?

but i want to be the first one to let men and everyone else know that there really isn't anything wrong with expressing ourselves, and crying is a natural emotion so why stigmatize something that has so much meaning? it's time for us to quit with all of the nonsense and just live our lives. it's time for us to be happy and not have to worry about what others have to say. it's time for usto take control over our own lives because if we let others define who we are, then we will never have any sense of character and we will continue to be a dust mat for those who choose to walk all over us. just think about it. if all hearts and minds are clear...

peace and love
gkg

stuck in time

i don't know why the hell i'm in here on the computer blogging because i need to be ironing the clothes that i am supposed to be wearing to school tomorrow because i have a presentation that i have to give at eleven o'clock. i also need to read some more of a tale of two cities because i have a feeling that my teacher is going to ask me some dumb ass question when he realizes that i, once again, am not paying attention to what he is saying. i'll probably just read a couple of chapters while he's "reviewing" the book because he's already given the plot away and told us all of the interesting things that were going to happen in the novel. let me ask you something: if you tell me everything that occurs in the book, what in all of hell makes you think that i would want to read it? you've already given away everything. that's like helping plan your own surprise birthday party. what kind of dumb shit is that? i tell you, teachers these days!

i'm just hoping that i can make it over the hump tomorrow. wednesdays are always long days for me- literally. i get to school at nine and i don't leave until six. it's like a full time job! but i'm not complaining because there are a lot of people who are trying to get where i am in life right now. i couldn't sit at home all day anyway. trust me, i've tried it. that shit will drive you nuts. you can only watch so many movies, and so much 106 & Park, and listen to laffy taffy so many times until you get to a point where you just close your eyes and want to dis-a-fucking-ppear! take my word on that one- don't pass GO and collect $200 for trying that shit because believe me, you will give up!

at any rate, i really have to go get some of the important stuff that i need to do behind me. it's like i'm stuck in time, but that shit keeps flying past me! i guess i gotta put another battery in my watch and turn it clockwise. i'll be alright when the sun rises- for real, just watch and see.

one day at a time

the times that i am going through right now have to be getting me ready for a good life years from now. they say that in order for you to appreciate something good, you have to go through something bad. that may be true in some or most cases, but things have to get better from me real soon. i know that being a student and trying to work a part-time job is a really hard thing to do, especially if you are a senior trying to graduate and not just walk across the stage, but i never expected all of this to be happening to me at one time.

i will have a chance to catch up on some things that i have been overlooking this semester while out on Thanksgiving break. i have fallen behind in my major authors class, but that is partially because i hate that class and because my teacher really, really bores me. so i'm taking everything that's thrown at me right now and trying to turn it into something good. i won't let anything get me down, but i'll try to see the good in everything. after all, there's no need of stressing over something that you can't change right?

peace and much luv.
gkg

the greatest gift

yesterday was a good day. it just seemed like i had so much to do. people kept calling me all day and sending me birthday text messages, making me feel real special. since i am an intellectual in training, *smile* my friend bought me a book that i have been dying to read but just haven't had the chance to. i've been working like hell, going to school like hell, man what the hell? thanks maconnette! the greatest gift that i received yesterday did not consist of material objects though. when i walked into my mother's house, my middle brother started making beats on the table, my little brother started pop-locking and my mom began to sing their remixed version of happy birthday. i tell you, black folks are a trip. it was really nice though and they had me falling out laughing. my family is a trip. oh shit, i just realized my license expired yesterday. dammit! gotta go figure out where i'm gonna get these $16 for my renewal. until next time...

a testimony

so today marks my 22nd year here on earth, and honestly it's been just another day. i have taken the time to think back on all the things that i did in elementary, middle, and high school, and i can honestly say that i have come a long way. it's been a long journey too, full of hard work and determination. sometimes i didn't even think that i would even make it this far. i've hated my step-dad, loved my step- dad and lost my step-dad to cancer. i've gained so many friends, lost so many friends, and i'm sure that this pattern will continue for the rest of my life. besides, what's life without a little change every now and then?

i'm remembering all the good times that i had in high school, and the fear i had when i walked onto the campus of fvsu for the first time. all of those years in high school, i had been surrounded by people that were from my same neighborhood, people that i grew up with, people that i considered my "play cousins." when i got to college, it was like starting all over again and i was thinking to myself, "oh no, not this again." to my surprise, college has turned out to be one of the greatest experiences of my life. i have learned so many things about myself, and others, and i have also had the pleasure of meeting many famous people: Cornell West, Sistah Souljah, Dick Gregory, Spike Lee, Nikki Giovanni, and a host of others. college has really changed my life in a good way.

so as i sit here and look back on the "good old times" that i've spent here in fort valley, i can only wonder what the future has in store for me. my brothers have gotten taller than me, some shit that really blows my mind, and i'm actually about to graduate from college and enter the real world, where the decisions that i make have a tremendous impact on my life and all of those around me. i'm faced with decisions that could possibly make or break me, and i'm learning everyday how to expand my horizons and become a better person.

twenty- one was a good year for me. i've done a lot of things and seen a lot of places, but i'm sure that it only gets better. god only knows what the future holds for me. the only thing that i can do is take it a day at a time and fulfill my destiny.

1 luv

on some rap ish

wussup world. just wanted to put you on some good rap music. my favorite rapper right now would have to be T.I. he's just real with whatever he says and i can really appreciate that. one of my favorite songs is "I Still Luv You." in the first verse he speaks of how his girlfriend has been there with him through it all but he neglected to give her the credit and attention she deserved. in the second verse, he talks about how his father wasn't around when he was a younger, but he forgives him nontheless. in the third verse he confesses to the world that he not only has two little boys, but a little girl that nobody knew about. it's a very personal song, but it's real and it happens everyday. and now the lyrics:




"I Still Luv You"

[Chorus 2X]
Don't hate me shawty
But even if you hate me shawty
I still love you
And now I only wish that you could
See that my intentions were good
I still love you

[Verse 1]
Forgave me once, forgave me twice, forgave me three times
I stayed lying, you stayed down in the meantime
Had my son and turned around and had another one
I broke your heart when I told you bout the other one
I stay in trouble ha? Ain't got too much to loose
Knew I could loose it all but never thought of losin' you
Eleven years ago I still regret me choosin' you
Meetin' you, pursuin' you and doin' you in '92
You fixed plates, showed your face at every courtdate
And all you wanted me to do was call when I was out late
How could I let you go? I thought I knew it all
When you deserved the best and more, you been through it all
So you think I sold your dreams, but what I say I mean
Just take it to consideration, I was 17
I'm still the same man, just had a change of plan
Never had your back and fuck a wedding band
But I still love you

[Repeat Chorus 1 w/ ad libs]

[Verse 2]
Went from resentin' you, hatin' you, now I'm missin' you
On the realest shit I ever dropped, listen Pops
I never even thought, to ask my mom what happened
Just knew that you was livin' in Manhattan and I was trappin'
We never had a chance, we was in different states
But I'll forgive it, you was human and we make mistakes
You tried to make it up, but shit, you couldn't pay enough
You sent me tons of toys and clothes thinkin' you gave enough
But it wasn't though, and you wasn't there
That's all I knew, so I grew up thinkin' you ain't care
I know it wasn't fair, but ay, it wasn't fun
But now what's done is done, no matter wha, I'm still yo son
I could care less if none of yo other children come
I'ma be right there prayin' you live to be a million one
Finally I understand, hustlin', livin' fast
Tryin' to get the cash and settle down and be a dad
You probably never knew, cuz hey, I never said it
But pops, I'm just like you, I'm stubborn and I'm hardheaded
But now you dead in the ground, no meanin' tellin' you now
But all I wanted was for you to be proud
I still love you

[Chorus]
Don't hate me shawty
If I ain't told you lately shawty
I still love you
Now I only wish that I could
See that yo intentions were good
I still love you
Don't hate me shawty
Please don't hate me shawty
Ay, I still love you
And now I only wish that I could
See that yo intentions were good

[Verse 3]
How could I criticize my daddy on that last verse
Lookin' at my own dirt, you got some nerve
But be that as it may, I got some shit to say
It's been a secret, I can't keep it for another day
I got a lil' girl, not just two lil' boys
And that's been killin' me inside, eatin' me alive
And I can't find the words, nor the nouns or verbs
To express whachu deserve, girl you worth the world
But I'm a man and I ain't perfect, if you hear me now
I'll tell you wha had happened, when, why, when, how
Me and yo mama met, we kinda kicked it off
But we wasn't 'posed to have a baby, we just chillin' out
We had a lot in common, almost the same sign
Same goals, said thangs at the same time
But then we destroyed the situation like the a changed mind
How could I look her in her eyes and holla dat aint mine
Her stomach gettin' bigger, and time is gettin' close
Six, seven, eight, nine months and I ain't told mah folks
Not just messiah mama, hell, I had told yo granny
Three kids in two years, baby, daddy had it
But I ain't ashamed of you, I'm more ashamed of me
It's not at all yo fault, you'd be better off blamin' me
But now I realize, where the problem lies
Forgive me babygirl, I apologize
And I still love you

[Chorus 2X]
Don't hate me shawty
Please don't hate me shawty
Cuz I still love you
Now I only wish that you could
See that my intentions were good

on the subway

so me and my roommate went to subway to eat dinner because we were tired of chicken and that's the only damn thing in the refrigerator until we get some food money tomorrow (if you know what i mean). my friend, whom i shall call "Diva," works there and it was really good seeing her because i haven't really had a chance to talk to or see her in a while. well "Diva" was the only one working and the line seems like it was never-ending so my roommate and i sat down to talk a while and let the line shorten up a bit. this older lady, who appeared to be about 50 or so, was in front of us. their special of the day was the ham and turkey sandwich, but the lady wanted a turkey sandwich (minus the ham). "Diva" went on to explain that in order for her to get the turkey sandwich, she had to ring her up for the turkey price, which was like a dollor more. so of course you know the lady went off and wanted to go on and on about how the special was so fucking dumb and blah blah blah. i'm thinking to myself, "bitch (because that's what the was acting like) why don't you just get the ham and turkey special and take the ham off before you eat it dumb ass! but she just really wanted to make a scene.

why do people do that. i used to work in fast food and i found myself holding my tongue a lot. they don't pay you enough to put up with all the bullshit that people try to put you through everyday. i did learn a nice slogan while working in fast food though: "I don't make the rules, i just work here." and that shit even works for me now at my new job.

but the point is, let's stop being assholes and just try to get through the day without causing a scene or giving people a hard time. CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG! lol.

peace and love
gkg

black man

okay ya'll, it's not that i don't like white people, but i hate the fact that they approach me like i'm beneath them. most of the time this happens when i'm at work. they think that because i work in retail for the time being that i'm a dumb ass (not saying that working in retail is a bad occupation because my mom does it for a living) and they think that they can talk to me any kind of way because i'm young and black. yes bitch, i do wear my pants baggy and yes bitch i am proud to be black but there is a really good chance that i am smarter than YOU will ever be and i will accomplish more that you have in your lifetime. not trying to put YOUR race down or anything like that, but i do have plans on uplifting MINE up out of the gutter because the shit's just been there way too long. it's time for a change!

they have no idea how hard it is being a black man. i won't get into that because then it all sounds like complaints and some bullshit, but the sad thing about it is that everything that sounds like a complaint is true. yes the police do stop us in the streets for nothing and yes women do grab their purses tighter when we walk by and yes people lock their doors when we walk by their cars. but that doesn't mean that the shit is right does it? it's just too much sometimes. but at any rate... i digress for the night.

stay true to yourself and true to what you believe in. only then can you find out what your purpose is in life


peace and much love

we gon' party and bullsh*t

wussup my people. being around my friends that i have known since high school really makes me happy. it's like i remember all of the things our silly asses used to do and i see how far we have come and how much everyone has changed. "maconitte" still trips me out on the regular, "toy" still is crazy but her roommates have taught her how to dance and that's shits really wild, "d-yeah" is a mom and hasn't changed at all, and i don't know where those other two are, but i still love them all the same.

went to the club on saturday with all my peeps. had a great time and got in free since we were celebrating my birthday. i think i had too much to drink but it's all good. i still made it to work and everything went fine. i guess my weekend turned out pretty good.

1 luv

racist?

i was up watching Lift Every Voice this morning (a gospel program on BET) and they were going behind the scenes and taking looks at the houses that had been destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. then something caught my attention. they asked a young, black guy, who appeared to be around 24 or 25 years old, if he thought that YOUR president was a racist. his reply was, "it's really not important if i think he's a racist or not. the question is, why do many people think that he is." i totally agree with him. what do you think?

random thoughts again

oh man. that's the first thing i can say when i think about all that's going on right now. i just went to this bar-b-que joint and had some chicken that was aiight(and i do mean aiight and not alright) and honestly i could have saved that $9 i spent and put some fucking gas in my car, but i just filled it up yesterday. then on top of that i'm wondering how in all of hell am i gonna pay my car note that was due on the first of this month when my dad won't answer the phone and shit. that nigga knows that i want some money! lol. whatever.

i'm supposed to be having a night out on the town on Saturday in celebration of me and Toy's birthday. a nigga gotta work, but that'll make me appreciate my free time even more. after dealing with a bunch of ignorant, sloppy, egotistical, motherf*ckers for eight hours i need to party and have a drink or two. believe me! and i'm not complaining because there are so many mofos who don't have a job and want one, but i'm telling you now, one day these "advantage members" are going to try to take "advantage" of me, and that's going to be it! i'm gonna snap like some rice crispies and then they're going to go complaining to my manager about me being this angry negro and some other bullshit. but at any rate- i could give a damn.

i'm thinking about what i'm going to do today. probably wash some clothes that i was too lazy to wash earlier this week. then my girlfriend is supposed to be coming home this weekend, but i gotta work all weekend so i'm wondering what we can do tonight. probably watch some movies and shit cause she's broke, and i'm broke, but hey we're two broke mofos in love right? lol. but it's cool. i can't keep ranting on and on like i want to so i'm gonna holla at my peeps later.

1 love

tired...i guess

i've been working my ass off- literally! this week was a tough one, and trying to work full time and go to school full time has really been putting a hurting on me. but i guess i just have to get used to it. the thing is, the peeps at my job know that i'm a good worker, so they try to work the shit out of me. why is that? they find the good workers and put so much pressure on them that they run them away and then they are stuck with a bunch of sorry mofos who don't want to be there in the first place. it's crazy, but then life is crazy so what's new?

the thing is i'm feeling really tired right now, but i keep thinking that i'm going to miss something if i go to sleep. i know that sounds weird as hell, but that's just me- i really could give a damn if people thought i was weird or not. but i will be climbing into the serta once my clothes get through washing.

i'm looking forward to the weekend because it indicates that the week is about to end, and like i said this week has had me not knowing whether i was coming or going. at any rate, i'm about to go crash out for the night. i can tell that i'm tired cause i just keep talking about the same shit over and over. *yawns*

lord protect me as i rest
and try to dismiss the stress
that was brought upon me this day
i thank you for all that you've given
and all that you've taught me thus far
and ask that you lead me, my family
and my host of friends into another joyous day.

AMEN

until next time...

explanation of thought

i know that many people may think that i am this angry, black dude because many of my posts have aggressive content, but honestly, i'm one of the nicest people that you can ever meet. i do stand up for what i believe in though and until others can convince me that my position is a wrong one...get what i'm saying? but i think all people should be that way. if we all thought the same way, then we wouldn't be individuals- we'd be clones, and the world would be boring as ALL of hell! but i just try to be REAL whenever i speak or write something and hopefully others will do the same.

PEACE AND MUCH LOVE
GKG

some bullsh*t

i was on the internet like i always am when i have nothing to do, and i came across some tapes of police beatings. it's fucked up how police can beat the living daylights out of somebody and get away with it. they seem like they like to do that shit too, especially to black males. i guess it kind of reminds them of those "good ole days" when we used to say "yessuh, massah" and "i'se sorry massah," but i say FUCK THAT! i had to stop watching the streams because i was getting upset. it try not to let stuff like that get to me, but i can't help it- who can? anyway, i think police are full of shit. i was riding through this place which i shall call Byron, Georgia, and the police pulled us over for no damn reason! he was talking about some narcotics and his dogs and some other shit, but i was thinking this nigga just doesn't know that i will sue the hell out of his ass. we had just come from olive garden, celebrating a friend's birthday and now this shit?! but the situation brought these words to me:

i say i'm black
cause the REAL africans won't claim me
don't really get up on the police
cause they always try to tame me
treat me like an animal
and tell me what to do
but i'm sorry sir you
can kiss my backside
and i say that with pride
because i stand up for
what i believe in
so you should see then
that i refuse to listen
to the shit
you continue to spit
to protect and serve
or however the slogan goes
but everyone knows
that you ARE full of shit
you might try to serve me
and break my fucking neck
but i don't think you'll ever protect
me and MY people
or understand what we go through
on a daily basis
dealing with dumb ass racists
and other bastards who believe the hype
and all the stereotypes
so i'm putting you on blast
and putting you in your place
but right now- at this moment
you better get out my damn face
MotherF.....!

a year older

so my birthday is sometime next week, i don't know the exact day, but it's on the ninth of this month. it's funny how i fail to keep up with my own birthday, but it's like it doesn't matter anymore after you've turned 21. each year after that is like, "damn i'm a year closer to 30." but it's all good. i'm excited that i could even make it this far in life. i have to say that i have a good head on my shoulders and i have a lot of good people backing me up to make sure that i do something with my life. i just pray i make it around to this time next year. i wonder what i'll be doing?

random thoughts

what's up world? i know it's been a minute since i posted, but there is so much going on in my life right now. i just moved in with a friend, which has been a huge blessing thus far, and i'm trying to get all the bills paid at the house i just moved out of also. i told my landlord to just use my deposit for my last month's rent and this nigga had the nerve to say, "okay, just let me come and check out the house to see if there's any damage." now anybody who came to visit me knows that this house looked like a piece of shit already, and the only reason it looked straight on the inside is because it had all of my shit in there. it's crazy! but i cleaned up everything really nice, even though it wasn't clean when i moved in two years ago, and everything is in top shape right now so it should be cool cause i would hate to have to cuss a mofo out over some bullshit!

but me and my new roommate have been having a great time. we've been friends since forever and now i just feel like we'll get to know eachother even better- eachother's strength's, eachother's weaknesses, etc. i'm excited.

my girlfriend came down this weekend and me, her, and my new roommate,whom i shall call maconnette went to see Saw II. it was a really good movie, with a lot of surprises and a lot of other shit. it was a well spent $7.25.

well me and ashley gotta finish up this newsletter that seems like it's never gonna get done and i gotta figure out what the hell i'm supposed to be presenting for dr. pitts' class, so i guess this is goodbye.

1 LUV