i walked into the house...

...and the first thing i heard was, "where you been all day?" i wasn't believing this, and i had to think about it before i answered it. let's browse a couple of facts right quick: i am 22 years old, work two jobs, hit the floor at 5:30 in the a.m every morning except saturday and sunday, pay my own bills, handle my own, ummm- yeah, that makes me grown i believe!! but my dad and step moms were trippin- maybe they were joking- i don't know. but i don't have time for games when i'm just getting off of work. my day's way too long for that. and then my dad goes, "i'll talk to you about it tomorrow." boy STOP!!! they are a trip.

i think he's gonna say something about me hanging out at the bar at applebee's last saturday; my aunty was there with her family and my team leader was buying us double shots so i was feeling pretty good when i left. maybe she said something to him about that, but that takes me back to my first point- i'm grown! really don't care what any of them have to say right now. i was having a good time, and my special someone knew where i was so it's all good. i don't come in the house like, "where ya'll been cause you got off of work at five and it only takes twenty minutes to get here?!" *smile* maybe i'm trippin. bout to change the page. just thought i'd let you know about the purrents. like my beat down low, down low, down low....

L.O.V.E
g

watching the sky shed tears

is a beautiful thing when you're under the influence. you learn to appreciate nature and the things that are around you- starting to realize what emerson was viewing.

it rained so hard yesterday, but only for a short time. this weather that we're having is crazy. and for some reason i keep thinking about global warming and hurricanes, and what if a storm like katrina really came our way- then what would we do? we only got the some of katrina's homegirls last year and a tornado came and took out the bank in the valley. i couldn't imagine it. going from living every day with all the luxuries of a middle class man to having nothing at all. i pray. can't handle anything like that.

the sun and i are enemies right now, and she's about to win. i'm an orange moon. we're opposites, but she's still shining on me, leaving glares and all that other shit. coppertone- yeah, black folk use it too! *smile*

and i still need a new climate system in my car.

excrutiating L.O.V.E.
g

it's hard being me

but i'm used to all of the burdens that come my way everyday. and what's so funny is they don't come one at a time; nah, could knock those things out in no time, but handling all of these things that are going on in my life have taught me how to manage and how to not let life in general stop because of something that i can't control. nope. life's too short for that. i'm enjoying what God's given me right now. and i don't have everything, but something is enough. in the words of my favorite rapper- I'M STRAIGHT! and if you don't know who my favorite rapper is why the hell are you reading my blog? then again, visitors are welcome. gotta start charging for this shit. nothing in life is free... which makes me think, my damn a/c doesn't work. i swear i hear a beep when i open my car door- you know the one the microwave makes when the food is heated like you want it? yup, sun is cooking my ass. lil' something i wrote:

who the hell are they?

they say if you kill the head
then the body will follow
said if it's hard to cope with
won't be able to swallow
or eat
or sleep
or understand any deep
thoughts
but who the hell are they?

they say if you stay quiet
and bypass the riot
calmness will head your way
and you can dismiss the tired
hoes
clothes
fake friends
and foes
but who the hell are they?

they say since you're black you won't make it
shut the hell up and take it
dripping poor in the ghetto
you ain't rich
so why you tryna fake it?
with the expensive cars
and rims
and $100 tims
hating on me
but you've lost your identity
listening to what everybody else says.
and again
who the hell are they?

listen to your own mental
it doesn't have to make sense to
others who can't relate
don't discriminate
against anyone else
but most importantly not against yourself
and stop listening to those voices
and letting them make YOUR choices
because a man defines himself
and nobody else
listen to yourself
not to what others say by far
because you still don't know
who the hell THEY are.

love. yourself. first.

i've been drinking a lot lately

and i must admit that it's been a very nice couple of weeks. working my ass off and not really having time for anybody is not the way i want to live my life, but compromise and sacrifice is just part of the game. bud light is my best friend right now. she and i have been chilling on the regular- watching basketball games together, hanging out in the middle of the night, and just having a good time overall. i'm trying to slow down though. i'm not getting enough sleep at night and i know it's my fault, but what am i supposed to do? i can't sleep at ten o'clock at night- i've tried it before, and even though it'll give me my eight or so hours of sleep i just can't do it. working on something. got some goals that i gotta accomplish- feel me?

wrote this poem. was gonna post it. not sure right now. may do it tomorrow or the day after that, but whatever the case may be, if you need to hear it- you will. believe that. aiight.

L.O.V.E

g

get it right- get it tight

i'm sitting up here enjoying today, simply because i can say that everything is going my way. yeah, this morning the bitch at the window at burger king almost got cursed out because she didn't want to give me but one pack of grape jelly (i need two) but nevertheless everything else has been going great.

working at blue bird and sam's now, so almost all of my time is spent working. it's hard sometimes because i don't get to talk to my baby girl or friends the way i would like to, but i know that it's all worth it, wouldn't complain to save anything right now. my mom is about to be a year older in a couple of days, my dad is about to get a cadillac escalade in a couple of days, etc. i'm ecstatic right now. what more can i say.

i wish i could transfer some of this energy that i have to some of my friends. one of my friends at work is losing weight (stress) and that is not a good look, i'm telling you. can't let niggas steal your joy- gotta keep your head up through any situation but people let life get the best of them. and yeah, i know i sound like somebody's pastor right now, but like i said- i'm on cloud nine right now.

i'm trying to figure out what i'm going to do tonight after i get off of work. probably sip on a little sizz--uurrrp or something just to make the night go by; nothing special.

but anyway visitors, regulars, friends, enemies,and everybody else- i gotta go because it's lunch time and i haven't eaten. in the words of nikki byrom- i'm hongry man! *smile* and get your damn phone turned back on- hell wrong with you!!!

love

no more monotany

i've been really bored these past couple of weeks. one, because i've been broke as a joke, and also because i've just been working overnight and sleeping all day. that's no way to live this life i have. well, some may enjoy it, but i'm too eager to take on new challenges and learn new talents to be sleeping all day.

today my position with the blue bird corporation was finalized. supervisor said she was anxious to get me started; matter of fact, she wanted me to start today but they didn't have a computer and telephone, and direct contact line for me so we had to postpone until monday. will be in the materials department. *smile* i feel all important and stuff. lol.

and i just started filling out my application to take the lsat in september. it's on september 30th and i'm ordering prep books with old tests and stuff in them because their only $8 and i'm not about to pay thousands of dollars for a three day class (ashley) because i can teach myself! and i'm not trying to be arrogant or conceited or any other synonyms but i am smart and can figure out most things for myself; but really, a nigga is just broke and i can't spare a couple thousand right now. if i could, my car would be totally paid for- feel me?

i'm ready to get started. it'll be a new environment for me because "ain't nothing but some white folks up in that piece" so i guess i'll be the token negro for now. for now.

still reading and writing on the daily. i haven't had daily access to my computer, so i've been writing in my journal a lot. there's a lot of personal stuff in there too, but there are a few things that my good friends can read. nothing that i haven't already told you if you're one of those people.

craddock, thanks for the book, "The New Black Renaissance." I've only read a couple of pages and it's very promising. very. okay, gotta go have some encounters with samiya's sofa. daydreaming won't cut it. i need the real thing. and it's so peaceful here. i miss this place. holla back.

love.

on the grind

now that undergrad isn't part of my everyday challenges i'm faced with living in the real world, and that consists of doing what- you guessed it- working my ass off. was supposed to be starting at blue bird but i think they're bullshitting around with me, and i'm trying to start ASAP so i can start seeing some dollars- feel me? don't get me wrong, i like sam's because in actuality it's not hard work that i do at all, but i only make enough money there to take care of my bills (nothing left for a brotha to splurge with or go buying some new gear) and i need to get everything caught up.

been reading and writing a lot because there's been so much on my mind and it helps me to get everything off of my chest. i also went to six flags on memorial day and had a GREAT and i do mean GREAT time, partially because there wasn't really anybody there so we could ride just about anything if we were willing to wait like ten or fifteen minutes. and my brothers and some good friends went so it was all good. now i'm looking forward to the next trip. i'm sure it'll be something to remember. trying to go to jacksonville to this concert, but this one will have to be a "grown folks" trip!!! lol.

anyway, it's getting close to that time when i get ready to go to work, so i'll holla! remember me.

"i'm a pimp tight, nigga riding clean after midnight!" (T.I Undertakers track #12 on K.I.N.G) That shit's hot.