let me out!!!

things have been crazy. my classes are going good, but i'm still trying to take all of the necessary steps to get my undergraduate degree. the only problem is that my advisor is never in his office and i need to meet with his ass so i can go ahead and get the okay from him so i can pay my graduation fees and get the hell on! what's with this guy anyway? how do you take a two hour lunch break? where the hell do you go? the only thing in fort valley that could possibly take that long is the chinese buffet, and i already know that's not happening. that's what i'm talking about right there. just some foolish shit going on in the valley!

besides that, everything else is okay. i'm still reading black like me which has really been captivating. i'll probably finish today or tomorrow, and then i'm gonna start on this other novel by bell hooks that craddock suggested i pick up. the englishear appears to be coming along very well and everyone's participating finally.

i found out in the english club meeting this morning that coretta died. all of these people are leaving here man, but i guess it's just a part of life. you live and you learn and then you move on to something else.

2006- that new ish
the revolution has begun

so fresh and clean

it's like 12 a.m or something and i just got out of the shower. wondering what tomorrow is going to bring me. i'm excited because i got over the hump and thursday has finally hit, not to mention that i get paid from work today. that shit is going to be out of the door as soon as i get it though because i still have some bills to pay and my cell phone bill is way behind. can't wait for that damn income tax check. gonna get everything caught up then.

i'm currently reading this book called Black Like Me and it tells the story of a white man who wanted to see exactly what it was like to live the life of a black man back in the day. he takes pills so that his skin can contain more melanin and shaves his head, etc. it's good so far. i'll let you know how it all turns out.

me and nikki finally are getting this englishear together. i know it's going to be off the chain. i'm just waiting to see the finished product. i just wish we could've gotten something like this going before my last semester of school. maybe we can start our own magazine or some shit. that would be hot! lol.

i'm wondering what i'll be able to get my lady for valentine's day due to the fact that i'll have class until 8:30 that day. ain't that a bitch? i'll figure something out. you can never predict me. i guess i need to stop listening to the jamie foxx cd huh? lol.

alright kids. until next time...

peace and love.
ya boi
the gregster

mental notes pt. 2

8:30 a.m.

damn, i'm just getting up?! my alarm went off at 7:30! guess a nigga just wasn't ready to get out of bed. and damn man. my throat hurts like hell. gotta make me some hot tea right quick. can't go through the day feeling like this. that was one hell of a dream i had too. whew! i wonder if i still have some jeans in my closet that are ironed already? hell naw. guess i'll just iron something right quick. gotta make it to holloway's class.

9:15 a.m.

holloway is going to kick my ass if i'm late one more time. i have to do better, i really do. i'm making it my mission to complete all of her work today because i know she's going to stay on my case if i don't. whatever's clever.

11:30 a.m

damn, i'm late as hell for this english club meeting. i know that nikki is going to curse my ass all the way out but it's all good. oh lord! there's still so much i have to do today though. let me walk on in here and get this over with.

1:30

i've been in the win lab forever now it seems like and i'm hungry as hell. me and my friend are supposed to be going to captain d's. she needs to bring her ass on because i'm hungry as hell. then this nigga behind me keeps making this weird ass noise- i'm like what the fuck man? i know this nigga sees me trying to do some REAL work. i'm not in here on fucking facebook doing some bull ass shit. FUCK! nigga shut the hell up!

3:00

aw hell, that fish sammich (yes sammich) was so good! i don't think i'm going to eat for the rest of the day. and there's that damn laffy taffy song coming on the radio again. and i don't even like laffy taffy's (i eat air heads nigga)! and i'm tired of mary j. talking about being without you and mariah carey saying don't forget about us, when i really want to forget about that damn song! i give up!

4:00

murph is dropping this knowledge on us, but i wonder why what's her name is so quiet? not laughing, not saying anything. uncomfortable maybe? i wrote a piece about it, but i'll drop it on those blog fans a little later. this nigga juan is crazy too! not black, but he's still a nigga! :)

5:45

damn, this class is just starting, and i'm supposed to sit in this bitch until 8:30? you gotta be kidding me!

6:00

damn, that fucking mary j. blige song is stuck in my head again. i gotta get my cd player fixed! tired of the damn radio!

7:30

i'm so excited that she let us out early. i couldn't take another hour of that.

10:00

just watched american idol and this crazy hoe (that's what she was) has showed her ass and fit in every stereotype of a black woman that i have ever heard. that shit was ri-got-damn-diculous! just crazy. what the hell? i'm speechless. just speechless.

i give up on the rest of the day. it's 10:30 now and i'm sitting up here watching some BET. gonna finish reading this book later and prepare for tomorrow. what a day!

peace and love my people
gkg

impromptu perforation

got a little perforation in the ear yesterday. wasn't planned or anything, just something to do i guess. it's cool though. but i'm cool so what do you expect? and that's not arrogance. at least i hope it isn't.

need to be doing this work for dr. holloway's class but i really don't feel like it. need some sleep. worked too hard today and i just want to lay down.

goodnight underground world. time to enter the matrix.

peace and love
the gregster

finally exhaling

got my refund check and went to the mall today- not to buy anything but to pay some muhfuckas off! paid off almost all of my credit cards and that shit feels so good! OMG!!! thank you! i did buy my brother a pair of jeans and a shirt for his birthday. i didn't know if he would like it but he did.

getting those subs put in my car probably next week. i'm excited! the lex is about to show these niggas what some real music is! ya feel me? then my cd player stopped playing cds on sunday- ain't that a bitch!? but i have another one and i'm about to be back in business. can't hold a nigga down for long!

like usher says, it was a good look today!!! :o)

mental note: did i just quote usher's lame ass? lol. that nigga can sang though. i ain't even hating! lol.

simplicity

i came across my journal from 2003 and this poem that i read just continued to stick out in my head. it's called, "simplicity." i hope you enjoy it but if not...( )

inspired by: the things in life that should be so simple, but aren't, the things i often have to struggle to achieve.

nothing in life comes easy
and that shit is true,
but what am i to do
when i just get stuck?
should i just not give a fuck
or try to battle it out?
should i laugh or cry
hoping that it's a lie
that i can just erase?
they say life is strange
and it's all about change
and how you deal with it.
why are things so complex
happiness is as hard to find
as some good sex
on a lonely night.
but it'll be alright
because i'll keep my head up
and just not give a fuck
about what others think.
as long as i'm proud of me
then i'll truly be
everything and anything that i want.
simplicity doesn't exist
that's just some bullshit
that some rich guy says.
but i'm definitely not rich
and my life's a bitch
but it could always be worse.
that's why i settle for this,
close my eyes and dream
and forget all the bullshit.

simplicity doesn't exist.

refund and exchange

anonymous numbers calling me
driving me to insanity
wondering how i can explain my situation
because i know they won't understand
"we just need your black ass to pay us"
not worried about your other bills
not worried about your job cutting hours
hell, not really worried about you

so when can we expect payment?
bitch, stop calling me!
i'll call you
and then you and my voicemail
won't have to become best friends
because you're already aggravating to me
and i'm sure she feels the same way,
having to play-back
and tell me what you wanted to say today

yessir i know that it's past due
and i know that too
and i can't make arrangements
and i can't do that either
no i don't have forty dollars in my checking account
yes, i'm broke
and yeah you may think it's irresponsible
and no i'm not ashamed
and no i don't feel bad
and no i'm not worried
so why are you?
is this your money we're talking about?
lol- you're silly
and i really have to go
got more important shit to do
than to sit here and talk to you

anticipating a big check
not so i can blow it
but so i can pay niggas to stop bothering me
pay niggas to stop being anonymous
(no number, withheld)
like i'm gonna really answer you
take that shit to trial bitch
i already let you know what was up
so what, you don't believe me?
it's all good though
no, really, i understand
but it seems like you don't
you lower your got damn tone

click

stop calling my damn phone!

be easy

22 and a vet in the game.
i'm supercool, but still a threat at the same
time.
-T.I.

when i was younger, my dad would always call me and say, "what did you learn today?" the first time he asked me this, my response was, "nothing." he then replied by saying, "if you don't learn something every day, then that day is not worth living." from that day on, i made it my mission to learn something everyday so i would have something to tell my dad when he called.

i can sit here now and honestly say that since i was four years old, i can remember learning something new every single day. at the age of 22, it has all began to come back to me. i'm remembering all of the things that i went through when i was younger and the hard lessons that i learned. some of those things i learned the hard way. my mom didn't believe in a time-out (no offense to those of you who do) but carol believed in tearing some ass up. my mom and dad made me strive for the best. i used to think that they were pushing me too hard, trying to get me to accomplish the impossible. now i am grateful for the both of them and how much they truly cared about me getting an education.

i look at where i am today and tears come to my eyes. i'm not only living my own life, but my parents are living through me as well. my dad still takes pictures to work to show his co-workers. it's funny because he always tells me that the women say, "damn he looks just like you, except he's cuter." *smile* it's funny to me even today.

i put the quote by one of my favorite rappers, T.I. at the beginning of this post because that's the way i feel right now. it's true in ever sense. i am twenty two years of age and i already believe that i'm a vet in this game called life because i've learned so much and i've been able to help so many others. that's not arrogance, that's the truth. i'm supercool, but still a threat at the same time summarizes my personality as well. i'm the easiest person to talk to. you can ask any of my friends, but when somebody crosses me it's like all hell breaks loose. i can be the biggest asshole on the face of this earth, but knowing that and being able to acknowledge that fact keeps me from drifting into the world of assholedom (i made that shit up. don't try to find it in webster).

i feel like i'm on top of the world right now. take a walk with me. we don't have to ever stop, and i don't plan on stopping anytime soon. there's too much i haven't seen yet, and i invite all of you to join me as i experience something new each and every day.

one love
gkg

too idle

i'm getting in the groove of getting up early in the morning again to go to school. it's a crazy process though. the only thing that's really bothering me is the fact that on monday wednesday and friday i only have one class and on tuesday and thursday i have a six hour break in between classes. what kind of mess is that? but it's all good. anything to get up out of there right?

the first two weeks of school are always the most exciting. not to sound like hoodrat, but on the real side, it's good to get that money from the government. i deserve some type of compensation for my hard work and efforts, right? besides, i have these demons a.k.a. credit cards that i have to pay off. i'm really tired of receiving these anonymous phone calls which i never answer. i already know it's them, so i'm like "talk to the voicemail."

i'm currently reading Black Like Me, a novel where a white man lives the life of a black man for a couple of months. it's interesting so far. i'll get into that a little more when i'm done, which shouldn't take long since i have so much time on my hands. i encourage everyone to go out and get the new issue of black enterprise. i sat in books-a-million today and read the entire magazine from start to finish since my last class was in warner robins. but there is a lot of interesting info in there.

i'm not going to keep you all too long. if all hearts and minds are clear...

one luv
gkg

a look out, or outlook

some people really can't grasp the concept of life. the concept of learning from every experience and making that your driving force toward a better situation. my greatest fear in life is that i will be unsuccessful. there are countless things that i could worry about, but my personality and my faith in God keeps me grounded. i pray a lot also, not at night before i go to bed or anything the ordinary human being does, but i pray throughout the course of the day. it's almost like having a conversation with the ever-present spirit that surrounds us. it gives me a sense of being, a sense of purpose, a sense of calmness, and that's what a lot of others need to do.

we all have problems in life but we cannot let those problems get the best of us. some of us have bills that are overdue, cars that need to be fixed, siblings that need guidance, etc., but having a positive outlook on life can change so many of these things around for each and every one of us. if we do not love ourselves and don't do things to make things better, then things will never be any better. a rock that sits in the street will forever sit in that same spot if nobody ever moves it. life's the same way. it's really not that complicated!

everyone needs to get on the bandwagon. it's 2006 and time for some new shit to come into existence. no time for the games, no time for any of the dumb shit that took place last year. time for a change and by that i mean something good. something that will make everybody smile and say, "you know what, i appreciate that." i know this world we live in is far from a utopia, but we can make things work for ourselves, make things benefit ourselves but we have to believe it. nobody else can make us believe it, we have to do that part ourselves.

think about it.
2006- time for some new shit

peace and love
gkg

what can i do?

i stayed up late the other night watching the oprah's 20th anniversary dvd that my girlfriend and i had bought my roommate for christmas. as i was watching, something really hit me. during her interview with sidney potier, she asked him how his life had changed and what he was most thankful for. he then replied, "i'm just an ordinary guy with an extraordinary life." after hearing that i wondered to myself, "how can i make my life extraordinary? what more can i do to make this life i live better for myself and those around me?"

now i have to admit that i do have a pretty good life. my parents split up when i was only one, but my dad has ever since made sure that i was always taken care of and that my mom and i never went in desperate need of anything. i graduated with honors from high school, and i've had a pretty decent college career. all that's good stuff, but i want things to be extraordinary. it may sound like a lot to ask for, but if i set my standards way high, then it gives me bigger challenges. people have told me over and over that my goals would be difficult to accomplish, but i never think that anything is unattainable, which i think makes me unique among others that i went to school with.

you see, sometimes people let life get the best of them. if things go wrong, it's hard for them to regroup and find a way off of the dead end road. the way i see it, there are too many highways for anybody to get lost in life. life presents us with difficult situations, but once you figure out the constant changes, life's really not that hard. i look at every situation as a stepping stone, a process that uncovers new truths about myself and that will ultimately give me greater wisdom and insight as my years progress. sometimes i think that i'm ahead of my years. i've sat with some of my elders and heard them talk about the good old days, and even now my friends and i can reminisce on the times we've had. those are the moments that make life special- when you can overlook all of the pain in your present state and escape through memories of a better time.

i'm grateful for this new year and everything that it holds in store for me. i made uncountable mistakes last year, and i've came in contact with people who have changed my life so drastically that it makes me anxious to see not only what type of people will come into my life this year, but also which ones will present their true personalities and escape the pleasure of being one of my close associates. i'm not perfect by a long shot, but as long as i have air in my lungs and can make life better for myself and those around me i'll do my best to give it a shot. i'm aiming for an extraordinary life. it may be a little difficult to accomplish, but it's definitely not unattainable.

*****

I AM NOT A RAPPER!!!