reality (excerpt from a sent e-mail)

this is an e-mail i sent one of my friends earlier this week. i read it again and thought that i should share them and invite you into the life of gkg.

i've been thinking a lot about life lately, and i don't know why. maybe it's because i'm searching through the atlanta area trying to find out where i fit in, or maybe it's because everything around me is becoming extremely monotonous; but whatever the case may be, i'm trying to re-invent myself and go forward. for so long i've thought i was afraid of failure; but lately i've been thinking, "maybe i'm afraid of success." how could this be? you would think that i would want to take advantage of everything that life has to offer, and for the most part i have; but when does one realize that they're heading in the right direction? when does one know that he or she is fulfilling the destiny that has been set forth? sometimes i feel out of place up here, and other times it's total bliss. how do i balance the two? as each day goes by, i realize that although college provided me with a thick skin, it also softened me and made me comfortable with my own surroundings. in a sense, it sucked me in from the real world and protected me when what i really needed it to do was to chew me up, get all the sugar out of me and spit me back out into the real world. honestly, i don't know where i'll end up, but one thing is for sure- i WILL be successful in whatever i do; and i've been escaping everything through writing lately. i'm trying to find out what my destiny is. maybe it's too early to decipher right now. maybe not. whatever the case, i'm just taking it one day at a time.

L.O.V.E

i remember

if i had my memory erased
it would be like being born again
and i would possess the innocence
of a young child
who had just left his mother's womb
and everything would be excellent-
or would it?

because
if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to be a poor child
and watch my mom
who would watch me eat sometimes
and smile
even though there wasn't
enough food for her
and i would never know
what it was like
to be brokenhearted
at such a young age
because even at six years old
i could see the pain in her eyes
and i knew that her smiles
were really lies
because she wasn't happy.

if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to have two young boys look up to me
with admiration,
hoping to one day
be like their big brother
and i wouldn't know what it was like
to have the almighty give me
and my family another
chance at life
because years ago things were
so tight
money especially-
and i prayed because
somehow i felt it wasn't right
for such good people
to experience such hard times.

if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to loose someone who you love
so dearly
and i thought i could see so clearly
but it wasn't clear at all
because when he died
the tears began to fall
and run down my face endlessly-
an emotion
that could never be repeated
and even though he cheated
on my mother numerous times,
i forgave him
because he wanted to be forgiven;
and he could drive
but he had to be driven
off to heaven
because he had cancer
and during the funeral,
tears danced down my face
like a dancer
and didn't stop
until the fatigue
had set upon them.

if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to really have someone love me
and deal with my animosity
at different times
and my different moods
and imperfections
and attitudes-
i would've never known
what real love was.
but now that i'm grown
and have years of memories
i thank god for sending
everything to me:
the good,
the bad,
and the ugly;
because honestly
they've made me who i am-
a strong black man-
i remember.

gkg

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

homeless

it's been a year
and i still can't go home
because somehow
i couldn't see that
Mother Nature
hated me.
she has to,
because there's no way
someone who loves you
can throw down
such terrential rains
and cause me so
much pain-
take my family,
my mother
and grandmother
and brother
and sister
away from me.
some of them
are in that big
place full of stone
and granite
that worldly people call
the cemetery,
and some of my friends
drowned
and literally
floated on
to another land.

and they say i'm crazy
but i can't understand
in this country tis of this
sweet land of liberty
it would take a motherfucker
two days to
come to my rescue.
and i may seem mad
to you
but that's because i am,
and i know those
white collar shirt and tie wearing
people don't give a damn
about me
or my two story house
that's been in my family
for hundreds of years
and i shed so many tears
but it seems like your government officials
have no ears
to hear my cry;
and they're gonna make me
out of a lie
because i said we'd rebuild again

but here it is
a year later
and it hasn't gotten any greater
and my neighborhood
still sits in ruins
like a war or an
atomic bomb erupted-
like an atomic bomb erupted
and took away everything
i had worked for.
what more
can i do
because i still don't think
you see the bigger picture.
and your president
thinks i'm nothing but a nigger
so he could give a damn
about this man
as long as the WHITE house stands
but they're sending troops
to iraq and iran
i just don't understand.
but as i sit here in solitude
i can only pray
that one day
it'll get better.
it has to-

and i'm caught
in a dream.
dreaming of new orleans.

l.o.v.e
gkg

i've realized...

...that i can do anything that i put my mind to, even if i don't like it. i did manage to land the job at the marketing company, but i only stayed there for like two weeks. there were good management opportunities, but it just wasn't me. professional solicitor is not a title that i want to hold for the rest of my life, but somebody's gotta do it- it just won't be me. but i have a job right now at an appliance and electronics store, and all i can say is "thank you god." somebody was looking out for me because i was unhappy with the job i took on. really unhappy.

i have to admit that i love the a-town, or surrounding county where i now reside. it's peaceful because i'm away from everything that i've ever knew and i'm forced to venture out on my own and make meaningful decisions that can possibly affect where my life is headed in the next couple of years. god has created a plan for me and i can't even imagine where i'm headed. i have a general idea, but i know that blessings will continue to be headed my way.

and i'm proud of all of m friends. they keep improving their lives everyday and we all share each experience with one another. birds of a feather succeed together- believe it. and although it may sound a bit cliche' or whatever you want to call it, it's nevertheless true. what else can i say? i'm speechless right now and i don't want to force myself to keep typing just because it's been a while since i posted here. stay tru. love yourself first.

until next time...

g