i remember

if i had my memory erased
it would be like being born again
and i would possess the innocence
of a young child
who had just left his mother's womb
and everything would be excellent-
or would it?

because
if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to be a poor child
and watch my mom
who would watch me eat sometimes
and smile
even though there wasn't
enough food for her
and i would never know
what it was like
to be brokenhearted
at such a young age
because even at six years old
i could see the pain in her eyes
and i knew that her smiles
were really lies
because she wasn't happy.

if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to have two young boys look up to me
with admiration,
hoping to one day
be like their big brother
and i wouldn't know what it was like
to have the almighty give me
and my family another
chance at life
because years ago things were
so tight
money especially-
and i prayed because
somehow i felt it wasn't right
for such good people
to experience such hard times.

if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to loose someone who you love
so dearly
and i thought i could see so clearly
but it wasn't clear at all
because when he died
the tears began to fall
and run down my face endlessly-
an emotion
that could never be repeated
and even though he cheated
on my mother numerous times,
i forgave him
because he wanted to be forgiven;
and he could drive
but he had to be driven
off to heaven
because he had cancer
and during the funeral,
tears danced down my face
like a dancer
and didn't stop
until the fatigue
had set upon them.

if i had my memory erased
i wouldn't know what it was like
to really have someone love me
and deal with my animosity
at different times
and my different moods
and imperfections
and attitudes-
i would've never known
what real love was.
but now that i'm grown
and have years of memories
i thank god for sending
everything to me:
the good,
the bad,
and the ugly;
because honestly
they've made me who i am-
a strong black man-
i remember.

gkg