B.L.I.N.D.

Because Love Is Not Dead

*acronymn courtesy of J. Denmark

my mom and step dad separated in september of last year. although that may sound bad, it was one of the best things that happened last year. you see, the two of them argued everyday and even came close to fighting some days. my mom wanted him out in july, but he just refused to leave. my mom even lost twenty pounds because of the stress that he was causing her.

one night, around 11:00, my mom called me and told me that he had choked her. i then took the 35 minute ride from fort valley to macon in about 20 minutes. luckily, when i arrived he was gone. my mom showed me the bruise on her neck from where he had grabbed her, and at that moment i began to pack up his shit. i now had enough hate in my system for this man to really hurt him, which is all i wanted to do! within the next couple of days, all that belonged to him no longer remained in my mom's house. a man that i had so much respect for had crossed me in the wrong way. i didn't even speak to him anymore. i would take my brothers to see him and i would sit in the car and listen to the radio because i didn't want to snap and cause a situation.

two months after i evicted my step dad, he got news that his cancer had come back, and this time it was worse than before. my brothers talked with my mom because he wanted them to move in with him. i don't think that this was a control issue for my step dad, but i think he knew that he was about to go through something he couldn't control.

in december, my middle brother, who is fifteen, called and told me that his dad was losing a lot of weight because he couldn't eat much. in a month's time, he had gone from 180 to 158 pounds. i couldn't imagine him being that small. despite the anger i had for him, i now began to have sympathy for him. on christmas day, i went to see him. i had never really seen my step dad cry, but when i walked through his door tears began to roll down his eyes. he apologized for everything that he had put the family through and asked for my forgiveness, and for the first time in a long time he made me smile.

we had no idea what 2005 would bring. my step dad was constantly in and out of the hospital and he was getting smaller and smaller. by april, he was at 105 pounds. he had to take steroids because it hurt for him to walk. i give my brothers the utmost respect because there is no way i could have sat there and watched him drift away like that. i told my mom that things weren't looking good for him. despite all that he had put her through i could still tell that she still loved him. the tears were building up in her eyes and she did everything she could to fight them, but she wasn't successful.

one morning in june,around three o'clock, my brother called and said i needed to come to macon because the ambulance was at his dad's house. my mom was also there crying. i already knew what the expect when i got dressed to take the ride. when i arrived my entire family was in the front yard praying and shedding tears. i was too late- he had gone already. my heart was broken because i didn't get to say any last words, but i was happy because he didn't have to suffer anymore.

after the people from the mortuary came and got him, my aunt said words that i will never forget. she stated, "he may be gone, but the love he had for all of us is not dead." i didn't understand it then, but i understand it now. his spirit lives on in all of us and as long as we continue to do things to remember him, the love that he possessed for us will never die.

MAY HE REST IN PEACE